


I Want To Tell You That You're All Mine (I Feel Our Hands Intertwined)

by DontGetTooCloseItsDarkInside



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Bad Boy Luke, Body insecurity, Bullied Michael, Bullying, Crushes, Depression, Fluff, Insecurity, Jealousy, M/M, Musician Ashton, Past/Mentioned Self Harm, Past/Mentioned Suicidal Thoughts, Pining, Popular Calum, Protectiveness, Punk Luke, Sad Michael, chubby Michael, football player calum
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-26 21:39:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5021464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontGetTooCloseItsDarkInside/pseuds/DontGetTooCloseItsDarkInside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael doesn't like himself.</p><p>Calum, Ashton and Luke all want him and think he's perfect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> tags will be added

Michael couldn't remember a time when he liked the way he looked.

Starting from the age of five years old he was teased by the kids in the neighborhood and at school for his weight. And before he was released to the harsh words of other children he remembered it being his own family members. He had a very clear memory of one of his aunts patting his barely there belly at the age of four and telling him he couldn't have a second cupcake even though his cousins were on their third. 

The bullying only got worse in secondary school, when the words got more harsh and the comments were about everything, not just his belly but his thighs and his butt and his complexion and his nose and everything someone could make fun of another human being for. 

He went home crying his eyes out almost every single day, he was completely miserable. His parents hated seeing him that way. They brought him to therapy to try to help him, but that didn't do anything, it only made him sadder, so eventually they stopped it. They complained to his teachers about the comments from other children, but getting them into trouble only made the kids more angry and made them tease him more. Eventually he asked his parents to stop calling his teachers when he came home upset, and they listened when they realized it was only making it worse. Though that didn't stop his dad from getting into a very loud fight with the people down the street when their kids tripped Michael when he was walking home from the bus stop and threw rocks at him. 

and he eventually convinced his mother at the age of fourteen that it would make him feel better if he was allowed to color his hair, because he hated the natural shade. It did help. A little. The only pleasing thing about his appearance, in his opinion, was his hair color. And that only lasted for so long before he started to hate that too and he changed it again.

He was in his last year of high school now and he couldn't wait until he could get far away from everyone from this god forsaken place. There was no one besides his parents that he would miss. No other family members, no neighbors, teachers, no peers-well….there was one person. Three, actually. 

For most of his life, Michael had a rather hopeless crush on Calum Hood. It started when he was about seven years old, when Calum moved into his town. He was one of the only kids in his class who didn't pick on him. Though to be fair, Calum probably didn't even know he existed, they had never spoken a word to each other, even after ten years of going to the same school. He was a hit with the other kids on his first day, and was one of the most popular kids at school by the end of the week. Michael could see why, Calum was cute, very nice, funny, and got along with everyone. 

The popularity had stayed with him up until now. And now they went to a even bigger school with an even bigger amount of students to befriend and admire him. Michael never had a chance to even attempt to win his heart, not that he ever would even if he did. Calum had a type. Pretty people with pretty bodies who were just as popular as him. Michael had none of that. 

The second was Ashton Irwin, he had noticed Ashton sometime in year seven, he was sitting outside during lunch, in the classroom were Michael usually ate his lunch, playing a cajon. He was absolutely the most adorable thing Michael had ever laid eyes on, with a huge smile and a floppy blonde side fringe that was created with a straightener. In year ten Ashton had stopped straightening his hair, and Michael just wasn't prepared for that, he looked so good with his natural curls. He had watched Ashton play for the eternity of that lunch, not touching his food. 

And the third was Luke Hemmings. His hopeless crush on Luke had began in year nine when he moved from Queensland. Everyone called him a bad boy, and he truly was just that, but Michael liked to imagine that there was a softer side to him underneath, because he had never said a cruel word to him. Never. And he was quite sure that Luke remembered that he existed. 

Ashton knew he existed too, they had had a handful of brief conversations over the last few years with each other, most of them involving english question and math problems, but they still counted, right?

He would miss them when the year ended, but they wouldn't miss him. No one would miss him. No one noticed him unless they decided they were in the mood to tease him. He didn't matter to anyone here. And it would stay like that. 

……………………………….

“Mr. Clifford, why are you late?” 

Michael ran his hands nervously over the material covering his thighs. He hated the attention, all the eyes looking at him, the giggles that echoed across the room when they noticed who it was that was being told off by their teacher. 

Ashton was in that class, he had a pair of giant black headphones on and was tracing something onto the desktop with a red felt pen. 

Michael grabbed the hem of his shirt and adjusted it, wanting to wipe away the sweat that had gathered on his forehead, but knowing that there would be quite a few comments along the lines of “sweating like a pig” if he did. And he didn't want that, he just wanted to sit at his desk and be left alone. 

He was too nervous to actually give her the explain, which was quite excusable, so instead he just mumbled “Slept late.” under his breath.

Someone snorted loudly at the back of the class and his face burned.

Miss Jaeger pursed her lips irritably. “Detention after school.” 

Michael’s eyes widened, he hadn't ever received detention before. “B-But-”

“You heard me.” She said firmly. “Now go sit.” 

Michael fought back tears as he walked to the other side of the room and walked down one of the aisles of desks to get to his empty one. One his way he accidentally knocked into the side of a girl's desk, sending her pen flying to the floor.

She scowled up at him and muttered, “Fat ass,” under her breath before bending over to pick it up. 

Michael’s lip wobbled even as he clenched his jaw and took a seat, looking down at his desk in hope that everyone would just leave him alone. The girl's words stung his heart, no matter how often they were said to him. 

Thankfully the universe decided to take mercy on him, and everyone else left him alone for the rest of class. 

During lunch, he sat in the courtyard, watching Ashton play his guitar. His hair had grown out and over the summer facial hair had come in, people hung off of him as easily as they hung off of Luke and Calum now. 

It was hard not to be jealous, he knew he had no right to be jealous, but he was. 

He couldn't blame them. He would probably do the same if he looked like them, if Ashton would ever even let him near him. 

All his attention of Ashton, he wasn't paying attention to anything or anyone near him. And because of this, he didn't hear someone coming up behind him and only became aware of it when someone decided it would be cute to dump their tray of food on him, lukewarm milk ran down his back and soaked his clothes. 

“I would say sorry but it's your own fault for looking exactly like the trash.” (A/N *cringes) Someone hissed in his ear before walking off. 

It all happened so quietly, no one had even looked over at him after it happened. He got up from where he was sitting and through his lunch away, walking back into the building. 

He had learned from assaults such as this, and had started to keep extra clothes in his locker. Unfortunately, all he had was a pair of gray yoga pants and a unflattering baggy forest green sweatshirt. He didn't want to wear that, it made him look gross, it was extremely unflattering, especially to his sides and his thighs. 

Smelling like rotten milk all day was equally as bad though, maybe even worse. 

He grabbed the clothes and a plastic bag with a sad sigh and walked off to the nearest bathroom. Thankfully it was ended, he locked himself into one of the cubes and changed his clothes, struggling out of his skinny jeans and his shirt and forcing them into the plastic bag. Once he was dressed he adjusted his pink hair and walked out of the cube-stopping in his tracks when he saw Luke standing in front of one of the sinks, adjusting his blond hair. He didn't even glance his way.

He walked to the sink farthest away from Luke and washed his hands, thinking of all the germs that were probably all over the things he had touched in the cube. 

When he looked up it was to find Luke staring at him in the mirror, his face blank of any feeling, and his eyes bluer than the coral sea, he met his gaze in the mirror and flushed.

“I like your sweatshirt Luke said flatly before turning away and leaving him standing there, dumfounded.

…………….

Detention lasted for two hours, when he left school the sun was already going down. The sky was painted indigo and black, and he could already see stars. He wanted to get home as quickly as possible, which meant he would have to cross the football field at the back of the school. He usually didn't go that way, as usually there was a dozen or so boys running laps around it immediately after school, but at this time at night it should be empty. 

The lights were still on, someone was running up and down the pitch, kicking the ball ahead of them. He hesitated by the side of the bleachers, his breath catching in his throat when he realized that it was Calum. 

His shirt was off, he was covered with sweat, and his shorts pulled up his thighs with every movement off his legs, showing off his strong, thin thighs. He was captivated by the shifting muscles, the bleach highlights, by the way his teeth dug into his bottom lip, the way his calves tensed with every kick.. 

He felt like such a creepier, standing there, watching Calum without his knowledge. He turned to leave, but his hip banged into the side of the bleachers, making it echo throughout the entire stadium and then right back at him. Calum stopped running, letting the ball run off towards one of the goals as he looked around for the source of the noise. 

“Who’s there?” he asked, his voice breaking a little. 

Michael froze, he had moved to run away, but he couldn't leave Calum like that, with fear and worry in his heart. He needed to show him that it was him, just Michael, totally harmless and intimidating. Michael stepped out of the shadows, not wanting Calum to have any reason to be afraid. 

Calum’s expression relaxed when he saw that it was him.

“Oh.” Calum breathed in relief. “It's just you, Michael.” 

Calum knew who he was? Calum knew his name? Calum knew his name. 

“You know my name?” He asked softly, surprising himself. He didn't think he would have had enough courage to speak in front of Calum, let alone at him.

Calum laughed, looking surprised. “Of course I know your name.” He said with a bright smile. “We’ve been going to school together for years.” 

Calum had noticed him. Calum knew he existed. Calum had taken the time to remember his name. Oh god. It felt so surreal, I had never even hoped that something so simple this would have ever happen. He never thought he was important enough for Calum to take note of. 

“Oh.” he said softly. “I….I didn't think that you….”

He had walked closer to Calum without even realizing it, he was now standing out in the middle of the field with the star. Calum’s eyes were even darker and prettier up close. 

“Didn't think what?” Calum asked him, he was looking Michael deeply in his eyes, so gentle, so intense. Michael started to shake a little. 

Michael could smell him. He smelled like sweat and grass and deodorant and the soap he probably used and spearmint. So many smells, too many smells to be good together, yet it somehow did, It was intoxicating. 

“Didn't think you’ve….noticed me.” Michael finished softly, blushing brightly. 

Calum chuckled and Michael looked up at him, fear twisting in his chest. Thinking that Calum just going to be like everyone, that he was going to make fun of him, that he was going to hurt him, that he was going to-

 

Calum grabbed him by the hips and kissed him. It was his first kiss. It was with Calum Hood. He felt like he was flying. 

He grabbed onto Calum, desperately searching for an anchor, his nails pressing sharply into his skin. He kissed Calum back sloppily, accidentally knocking their teeth together and biting his lip. Calum’s tongue ran over his lip and he stopped kissing so harshly, his mouth relaxing to allow Calum’s tongue to slip passed his lips, gentle mapping his mouth out, curling his tongue against his.

Calum pulling him into his chest, holding him tightly against him. His hands ran up his hips and caressed his love handles. Michael felt like he might die with Calum’s hands on them, he didn't want him to feel them, he didn't want to turn him off. He pulled away quickly-too quickly. He brought Calum with him and they tripped, tumbling to the ground together with Calum landing on top of him. 

“Fuck,” Calum breathed, pulling back to look down at him. “Hey are you okay?”

Michael had tears in his eyes, he felt embarrassed and stupid, Calum had felt his sides and then he had made them both go falling to the ground. 

“Hood are you still out on the field?”

It was Calum’s coach. They both looked up to see the man walking out onto the field. Michael pushed Calum off of him and ran to the way he had came as fast as he could, leaving Calum behind feeling confused and worried.


	2. Chapter 2

Michael was elbow deep in ice cream and anxiety induced tears all throughout the night, finally nearly passing out from exhaustion at around three am. 

He woke up with melted ice cream in his hair and the empty cartoon crushed underneath his body when his alarm went off at six. He quickly got up from the bed, having to reach across the bed and half the nightstand to hit the Sleep button so he could sleep for ten more minutes…..just ten more minutes.

But instead he ended up hitting Sleep three more times and didn't even notice it until he heard his mother walk down the hallway. His eyes snapped open when he realized that it would quickly be nearing seven. 

He wanted to just stay home….god he just wanted to stay in bed. Not only had he only had a little more than three hours of sleep but he had been plagued by nightmares the entire time. Nightmares about Calum specifically. 

But he couldn't stay home, he was doing so horrible in his Algebra class and if he didn't get his grade up he would fail and he just wasn't willing to take that chance, he wouldn't be able to stand another year at that school. 

He gently pushed his cat Marshmallow off of him and got out of bed. 

What followed was one of the quickest shower he had ever taken in his high school life, blow drying his hair on such a high level he burned a part of his forehead and having to sit down just to settle his stomach enough to get his medication down and after that a wild sprint to his mom's car. 

…..

Ashton and Luke both watched as Michael entered their class just in time, clambering over to his desk as quickly as possible before he could annoy their teacher who was trying to start the lesson. 

Ashton’s gaze was affectionate and a little amused. Michael was always either extremely early for their first class of the day, showing up before anyone else, even sometimes having to doddle around outside the door as he waited for the teacher to come unlock the door or he was rushing to get in the classroom just as the bell rang. There was really no inbetween. 

He usually had a slightly nervous expression on his face no matter what time he came in, but they had never seen him like this. Ashton’s gaze turned worried, and even though Luke’s face didn't show it, he also felt a bit concerned. 

Michael almost always looked a little tired and was always on the pale side, but today he looked….sickly. Awful. Like he had spent a week crying or needed a week of sleep. 

He was as white as a sheet, his eyes were red rimmed and a little bloodshot and the skin underneath them was shadowed purple. 

He slumped into his seat and laid his head on his desk, which was also very unusual, even when Michael looked very sleepy or had a visible cold he always paid attention in class, it just made them both worry a bit more.

Of course, neither of them were aware of the others worry. Ashton and Luke had hardly even spoken to each other before let alone know each other to tell what the other was feeling by looking at them. And even if they could, they wouldnt, Michael was far more important to have either of their attention taken away from them. 

Ashton’s feelings for Michael had began sometime at the end of last year. He knew he had spoken to Michael a handful of times before, but he felt like he truly hadn't noticed him properly until that day. He realized that no matter the weather, scorching or cold and everything in between, Michael would sit out in the courtyard and watch him play, he never sat in the same place twice and he never came to close, but he would come every day without fail, extremely attentive. 

One day, he wasn't why or how, he happened to glance over to where Michael was sitting and met his gaze for a second, just for a second, before he had picked up his tray and went back into the building. It happened the next day and the next, their eyes would meet for just a second, before they would both turn away, after a few days he stopped glancing up, because he knew he would be there, he could feel his eyes on him.

People came to watch him all the time. But they were never the same, people came and went as the days went passed, and the majority of them weren't there for the music, they were there…..well, for his looks. He wasn't vain, but he knew people thought he was good looking, knew because dozens of people had whispered it against his lips sloppily at parties and the backseat of his car and behind the football pitch. 

Michael wasn't there because he was good looking. He was the first to come and stay permanently. 

Luke’s feelings happened very….suddenly. 

At first his intentions were simply to get Michael into bed with him (bed, back of his car, behind the sports equipment shed, whatever, place didn't matter) That was it. Nothing more and nothing else. 

Michael was soft, round edged, and sexy as all fucking hell in his opinion. He loved his thick thighs and his round ass, his tummy and his soft sides, his little hands and his pastel pink hair and his bright red lips. 

But along the way he caught feelings. 

They happened early on. In his planning of just how to seduce Michael properly, he did a lot of watching, and in all that watching, he learned a lot.

There was a lot of things that he learned that he didn't like. 

He noticed just how much the poor thing got bullied, how much he got put down, how much people treated him like shit for the smallest things. Seeing him get treated so poorly pissed him off.

He wasn't so emotionally clueless that he didn't take him to long to figure out why he was so angered, and he accepted his own feelings early on without must denial in between. He didn't see any point in living in denial.

He didn't tell Michael of his feelings. He didn't know how to. He knew Michael suffered from anxiety just by looking at him-and he was a scary guy to people who didn't know him. He knew it, and he knew that he might terrify Michel, so he kept his distance until he could figure out the right way to do it. 

So he tried to help Michael in his own way. Mostly by threatening and beating up people that decided it was cute to mess with the shorter boy. 

God, he wanted Michael. 

He wanted to hold him and kiss him and fuck him and protect him completely from everyone and everything, including his own head, his own anxieties and his own depression that he knew through his mind in darkness. 

Unfortunately, he had some competition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was short-ish im very sorry but i wanted to get something up to thank you all for your wonderful feedback last chapter 
> 
>  
> 
> so please tell me what you think of this one it means the world to me tbh and it helps updates if you comment tbh

**Author's Note:**

> im cringing 
> 
> so i was pretty vague about how luke knew michael existed...that will be explained later...probably 
> 
> so yeah....tell me if i should continue this 
> 
> i cant believe im starting another story rip me


End file.
